wolvz0 Shinobi


 Number of posts: 283 Age: 18 Village: Demon Married To:: none Bloodline: Akkuma
Character Info Experience:
   (1846/2200) Level: 8 Rank: Genin
 | Subject: Akkuma clan Wed Aug 12, 2009 2:44 am | |
| If i gotta add a village from the games 5 villages its cloud
Clan Name: Akkuma
Brief Clan History: Long ago before the 5 great shinobi villages were created, A king from within the demon country summoned 3 groups of 10 people; Prophets, Monks & Shamans. This king promised which ever group that could clear his kingdom of demons would be reward with nobility & riches. After taking on the quest the kingdom was completely destroyed the 3 groups were the only remain people of the land, for survival purposes they began to bond together and teaching each other effective methods to ward off demons. As time passed they began to intermarry until a few generations later they became one clan.
-Bloodline- Name Kekkei Genkai: Akkisho Type of Kekkei Genkai: doujutsu, telekinesis Rank: B+
Weakness: far ranged jutsu attacks are the akkuma Kekkei Genkai’s main weakness, the further u are the weaker there attacks are to you.
Description: There are 3 parts to this kekkei Genkai 1. The reason for the purple pupils is for the spirit eyes (ikime)-this allows the user to see both the natural and spirit, this also allows the user to world this also blocks most Genjutsu due to the fact that they cannot hide there spirits. This ability cannot be turned off at all these eyes are always purple since birth meaning this ability doesn’t take a lot of chakra. At the users will they can increase there visibility and enhance there senses when doing this the ikime does increase the chakra to stay this enhanced.
2. The second part of their kekkei genkai is The Demon eye (onime) - this allows the user a very high level of telekinesis within a certain range (this includes the ability to slow time, shoot a high concentrated chakra beam thru the eye, allows teleportation within a certain range, as well as basic telekinesis stuff like freezing the enemy within a certain range, pulling and pushing stuff and mind reading. The user can also see through this eye but its looks more like an embedded diamond than an eye) the closer the user is to the opponent the stronger his force becomes Vic versa (the range to this ability is no more than 20 feet for moves like mid control, freezing the enemy in there tracks and mind reading. Other things like shooting a beam or teleportation various on the users chakra amount and control to be fair.)
3. The third part of this kekkei genkai is the Azrael jutsu that allows the user the ability to transport objects or people/creatures in or out of the spiritual world by giving up amounts of chakra in exchange for opening an invisible portle. |
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wolvz0 Shinobi


 Number of posts: 283 Age: 18 Village: Demon Married To:: none Bloodline: Akkuma
Character Info Experience:
   (1846/2200) Level: 8 Rank: Genin
 | Subject: Re: Akkuma clan Wed Nov 11, 2009 8:24 am | |
| To get this clan approved i have to have to other genin join it right? |
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Kurowashi Aigoro Inryokukage


 Number of posts: 8155 Age: 17 Village: Konoha Married To:: The most beautiful lady in the game Bloodline: Kurowashi
Character Info Experience:
   (17501/18850) Level: 26 Rank: Special Jounin
 | Subject: Re: Akkuma clan Thu Nov 12, 2009 12:01 am | |
| That... and some money... _________________Signature_________________  |
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wolvz0 Shinobi


 Number of posts: 283 Age: 18 Village: Demon Married To:: none Bloodline: Akkuma
Character Info Experience:
   (1846/2200) Level: 8 Rank: Genin
 | Subject: Re: Akkuma clan Thu Nov 12, 2009 7:05 am | |
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Cloud Amekage

 Number of posts: 1960 Age: 16 Village: Amegakure
Character Info Experience:
   (69451/71500) Level: 52 Rank: Genin
 | Subject: Re: Akkuma clan Thu Nov 12, 2009 9:06 am | |
| To be honest this seems quite like godmodding although that could be a missunderstanding because the majority of the time your posts aren't exactly easy to read. For a start Aig, I don't know if you noticed but two versions of the same Doujutsu? quite dodgey yet familiar to the sharingan....And members of staff like Aigoro will know where i stand with clones of Canon stuff, e.g the uchiha clan. -------------------------------- The biggest problems i see with this clan is the second half of the application. | you wrote: | | "this allows the user a very high level of telekinesis within a certain range (this includes the ability to slow time, shoot a high concentrated chakra beam thru the eye, allows teleportation within a certain range, as well as basic telekinesis stuff like freezing the enemy within a certain range, pulling and pushing stuff and mind reading......The closer the user is to the opponent the stronger his force becomes Vic versa (the range to this ability is no more than 20 feet for moves like mid control, freezing the enemy in there tracks and mind reading. Other things like shooting a beam or teleportation various on the users chakra amount and control to be fair.)" |
Ow my god i don't even know where to start with this >< I'm abit iffy with this rinnegan like 'high level' telekinesis...
The ability to stop time? This has been done before on the forum but unless it's done/moderated properly it could be used to dodge everything which is obviously godmodding.
Chakra Beams from the users eyes? WTF? First off, that's just weird. There has got to be problems with this yet you haven't stated any such as the speed of the chakra beams, the damage they do, if they cause discomfort or not. Dude, you need to add more to this.
'Allows teleportation within a certain range', you do realise this clan seems like you've ripped off bits of canon jutsu and/or clans e.g Madara Uchiha's way of teleporting, Naruto's Dad with the Lightning Thunder God Jutsu. -State what the 'certain range' is. You expect us just to guess? >.> -Again this could be used for godmodding purposes such as dodging. You have't stated the distance or even the chakra that this uses.
Freezing people? WTF what has this got to do with moving things your mind (telekinesis)? -Again the lack of detail is disgraceful. Amount of time the opponent is frozen for? Speed of the freezing process itself? Time to dodge? -Can the member of your clan freeze them with just their minds? If so that is really gming tbf. They would also need alot of concentration which could be hard during a battle. Maybe a technique used only when outside of battling/fighting.
"Pulling and Pushing Stuff", I cannot expect this. As it is basically a clone of the rinnegan abilities. You have not stated how or why they gained the ability, you just said they taught each other stuff. Telekinesis cannot be taught. It's something you can do or cannot. Simple. -You never mentioned that they members have derived from any ancestors like the rinnegan so i'm not accepting that. -You never mentioned anything like element manipulation [Air] so there would not be any reason for them to have this ability.
Mind reading....Absolutely not. Your clan should only be allowed this if they use if out of battle only. This could also be a godmod ability. Theres nothing to say that you say you heard their thoughts so knowing what they were about to do, you dodge their attack.
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The third part seems alot like Kakashi's M.Sharingan ability if you ask me. Again i see this as a possible godmod ability. You could use at a last ditch attempt to dodge attacks.
As well as this i do not agree that the portal should be invisible. What's the point? And how can you or your members see it?
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Aig i suggest that the abilities of this clan should be either dummed down, explained in greater details or gotten rid of completely.
And if you are considering that he should get all of these abilties then i think that it would only be fair that he gets it when he reaches a certain post count or positively contributes to the forum with a good idea or something along those line._________________Signature_________________ "Wars come and go but my soldiers stay eternal"  - Paths| Spoiler: | | |  The Six Paths of Pain, from left to right: Animal, Naraka, Asura, Deva, Human, Preta. |
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wolvz0 Shinobi


 Number of posts: 283 Age: 18 Village: Demon Married To:: none Bloodline: Akkuma
Character Info Experience:
   (1846/2200) Level: 8 Rank: Genin
 | Subject: Re: Akkuma clan Thu Nov 12, 2009 9:29 am | |
| I'll edit it to make it have more detail. I didn't mean for it to sound like godmoding but i didn't really add details like u said so its gonna take a while
I created this clan and its abilities way before Pain or Mandara's abilities were released in the manga but i only posted it some what recently. Really i just used the abilites of Jean greys from x-men so its not very original. I did mean to tone it down so its fair. |
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Kurowashi Aigoro Inryokukage


 Number of posts: 8155 Age: 17 Village: Konoha Married To:: The most beautiful lady in the game Bloodline: Kurowashi
Character Info Experience:
   (17501/18850) Level: 26 Rank: Special Jounin
 | Subject: Re: Akkuma clan Thu Nov 12, 2009 6:26 pm | |
| I have made other ways to legally create made-up stuff on Battle Awards in both Legend Fighting and Battle Arena. Be advised. _________________Signature_________________  |
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