Hello everyone my name is Solara and I need all your help. When I am not playing NNRPG I like to wright books but lately I have had wrighters block and would like to here what you all think of my new book "The legends of Echos", so here it is tell me what you think,

Spoiler:

The Legends of Echos Prologue, I shall tell you of a world called Echos, a world of magic, war, and fantasy. You may call me The Oracle and these are the stories of Echos. First I shall tell you the story of how it all started, how the world of Echos came to be. It all began like many things, at the begging of time and space, deep in the darkest corner of the universe. There were two pure beings called, Deltis and Arlis who built a world from Deltis body, a beautiful world with huge trees of all colors and shapes, wide open oceans deep with life, and an endless blue sky filled with all sorts of things. They then built a sun called Soron and three moons, Animus, Somes, and Mentis from Arlis‘s body witch stay in perfect balance, thus Echos was born. Deleis and Arlis then born two sons named Acerbus and Levis who where the most beautiful, strong, and smartest beings on all of Echos. As Acerbus and Levis grow older and more powerful they got bored of just running around playing children’s games and started to use their powers in contests agents each other, grate clashes that torn the world a thunder. Seeing their children’s boredom the grate beings born two new forms of life, the Rashe and the Darvel. The two races where much like too sides of the same coin, the Rashe lead by Acerbus in the land of Gamorra where a elfin like race that preferred the forests and more natural ways of living, where the Darvel witch Levis leaded in the nation of Geonomass are a modern human like race that live to build machines and spread all over the land learning everything they can. The grate beings tuck away their children’s powers so that they could learn responsibility, strength in ones on self, and patience for others as normal beings of Echo, but as the two groups grow in to powerful kingdom‘s, Acerbus fell in to a state of insanity for he sought a way to regain his godly powers back no matter what. With Acerbus lust for power getting grater and his mind falling apart, the world fell in to a war which they called The Crimson Age. The grate beings did not stop their children from fight each other, for their children must learn to deal with great power if there are ever to take their parents place as keepers of Echo and its people. Many things have happened and many storey’s are yet to be told so I shall tell my first story… Chapter one: The beginning, It all began in a small village in the land of Gamorra called Saymon, a young boy living with his family had a normal life away from the war that was devouring there world. He was a young Rashe boy just 7 years old. His name is Cryo, he was no different than any of the other children. He liked playing games, climeing trees, and swimming in the nearby lake, but there was one thing different about him, he had crimson red eye witch where uncommon in his village but most just over looked it. One day he was playing in a nearby lake when he saw something at the bottom of the lake he had never seen before, a small glowing light sitting on the bottom of the water. He dived down and swam as deep as he could but he could not seem to swim deep eanuf to retch it so he gave up and headed home. He had a normal night at home like any, his mother scolded him for walking in to the house soaked, his sister helped him with his studies, and they all sat down and ate dinner, but the light he saw at the bottom of the lake plagued his mind the rest of the day deep in to the night till he could stand it no more. He got up and snuck out the back door, he ran to the lake and to his surprise the light was still there, no one had gotten it when he was gone which was strange because there where others children that where much better swimmers and clouds have swam deep anuf to get it. He dived in and swam as hard as he could but he didn’t need to the water felt as if it was lighter and he swam strate to the bottom. He swam over to the light and found a small crystal laying there, he picked it up and the light grow brighter till it blinded him making him close his eye. Cryo opened his eyes to find all the water gone and he was sitting in the dirt dry as a boon, Cryo then hard the sound of screaming. He ran to his village and found it was under attach by some demon like beast, it was burning everything and eating any villager that got near it. He ran to is home looking for his mother, father, and sister. He ran all over the house looking but found nothing; he then heard the sound of his mother screaming. He ran out side and found his mother and father’s body’s laying on the ground, his father still holding his sword. The boy hit the ground in sorrow but now was not the time for grief but for revenge. The boy turned and faced the beast with the burning village in his wake. He stared at the beast its smooth body as black as night, its teeth sharp as knifes tipped with blood and its eyes like two burning troches. The boy studded in fear of the beast as it moved closer and closer, so close he could feel its broth on it neck. Then with a spick of anger and fear he picked up his father’s sword and swung it fast and smooth but the beast smashed him with a quick move of its hand sending Cryo flying agents a wall knocking the wind right out of him. He gasped for air as the beast drew near; he felt death closing in on him as the beasts shadow flow over him. He closeted his eyes awaiting his death when he felt his hand getting hotter and hotter till it as burning he open his eyes and fond his hand glowing bright blue, as blue as the flames of hell, it was the crystal and it was telling him to fight! The beast lugged at him, he jumped up and slammed his hand onto the monsters head, and from Cryo’s hand the beast burst in to flames. The flam burn over the bests body till it was covered in a dark blue flame. The boy then grabbed his fathers sword and cut the beasts head off, the boy looked down at it with pure blue eyes that shine with power, he fell back and looked up at the lunar ring of the three moons and felt something deep inside him flowing throw his whole body giving him strange and courage. The boy, Cryo was the only survivor of the village of Saymon and the user of a great power call Tear, a magic that flows throw out all of Echos and in all its live beings. Cryo lade in the village watching everything burn around him, yet not one flame touched him. Morning came but the normal sounds of a village did not, it was silent. Cryo sat in a ring of ash that glowed in the light of the Sorarow, his body was stiff and cold from the night, even with everything he loved burning around him. He stood up and walked out of the village with nothing more than his father’s sword in his hand and the bloody closes from the night before. He walked for days with no sighs of anyone, not even any signs of life at all. He fell to the ground, a sharp pain swelled up in him as he cried tears that burned his face. He passed out without a word, just tired from everything that had happened. Cryo awoke in a wood cabin, it was worm and quite but yet it was almost empty. Cryo tried to get up but his side split with pain, “now don’t try to get up, you have two broken ribs, a broken arm and internal bleeding” A man seed as he walked in to the room. Cryo turned and grabbed his father’s sword that was laying next to the bed but he froze and caught up blood, “Now what did I just say stay still!” “who are you?” Cryo sead sitting up in the bead, “my name is Doctor Sirvay Gohon, what is yours?” “My name Is Cryo Sayon, why have you brought me here?” Sirvay walked over to the bed and tuck Cryos left hand and timed Cryos hart beat, “I found you on the path to Saymon village, you have been out for three days, I when to the village but nothing was here just ash” Sirvay looked at Cryo with a clod look, “do you know what happened?” Cryo looked down at his hand and smiled, “ya everyone was killed by a monster that attacked the village” “yet you some how survived?” “I killed that monster with my bare hand” “you did, how?” Cryo looked at Sirvay with a smile, “I turned it to ash, that’s how”….

Umm... Can you do one thing first before I give my opinion? Leave an extra space between each paragraph, because honestly it is hard to read as it is right now.

And by extra space I mean like what I did just now to separate these two thoughts.

Better?

Much better in terms of appearance. As for what I think...

• You need to work on your spelling and grammar some, as it is honestly very bad at times.
  
• You tend to use too many words to describe the same thing ("most beautiful, strong, and smartest") when simply "perfect" would have sufficed.
  
• You started off introducing the main character, Cryo, in a very cliche way, but depending on where you go from here, the cliche would not be as noticeable.
  
• The official term for Cryo's one red eye would be heterochromia (having different colored eyes).
  
• I believe you made Cryo far too trusting to tell this Doctor Sirvey Gohon what he did. I think Cryo remaining stubbornly silent when the doctor pried for information to be more believable. But if Cryo is a naturally trusting child, then it isn't so odd.

That's all I can think of at the moment.

Thank you very muck for you insite.

It's not "Wrighter" it's "Writer"

that's all off the top of my head.